Let’s Talk About It…

… shall we?

A couple of hours have passed since I finished WH1SKEY REBELL1ON 2O11.

This was one of the most difficult hours of my life.

Physically, I just wasn’t feeling on top of my game.  The last few days, I’ve been very emotional and could cry at the drop of a hat.  I’m feeling stress about learning lines.  Self-imposed stress, but stress none-the-less.

I tried to do my best to hydrate, rest and eat healthily for the week prior to the rac3.  I had granola cereal and a 1/2 a banana for breakfast and a cup of coffee.  I went to the bathroom 4 times when we got to the track before the race – I was already dehydrated.  I could tell 500 feet into the race that my body didn’t have enough protein.

I barely made it up the first hill [that I had to do twice to complete the course] and I thought about taking a D*N*F.  I not only felt weak, I knew that my blood sugar was low – my breathing was labored.  There was so much adrenaline in my system that I knew if I didn’t settle down, I was going to have a full-blown pan1c attack.

I understood at that moment that it was up to my BRA1N to control what my body was going to do for the next three miles.  And then I realized that I was at the back of the pack… okay the VERY LAST PERSON, I knew that my bra1n had better do some very FAST managing or I could have a disaster of AMBULAT0RY proportions on my hands.

I was able to settle down a bit.  The breathing eased, but the physical feeling never was comfortable.  I tried to distract myself by looking around at people lining the streets.  They were there early for the parad3 and cheering.  I certainly couldn’t distract myself with the other runners, I was behind all of them.

This mental hurtle plagued me the entire rac3. 

In fact, it still bothers me. I ran the entire rac3 knowing that I was the very last person on the course because I was escorted by an E*M*T worker on a b1ke and behind us, a local p0lice patr0l car.

The good thing about this entire run?  I had set my g*p*s app to prompt me every half mile and give me my time/distance spl1ts.

Guess what?

My g*p*s was constantly telling me that I was on track for a good steady FAST run.  No matter that every one else was ahead of me – I was running a GOOD time [less than 13 mins per mile] for me!

 

Even the gigantic hill after mile one, I didn’t struggle.  I’d gotten myself physically under control – but my bra1n was out-of-control thinking about being last.

LAST. LAST. LAST.

It just kept echoing in my brain.

I can’t tell you how many times I thought about darting into an alley or side street and just NOT FINISHING.

All I can say is: Thank goodness for the p0lice beside/behind me, their close proximity kept me honest.

I did walk some – after about 2.5 miles when I had to run the first big hill for the second time and again after the 3rd mile on the back end of the course.  But those two walks combined were no more than about 500 feet.

I felt less guilty about walking than I did about NOT finishing.  I also knew that I had to run a V1CTORY LAP IN THE STAD1UM. 

Ugh.

Every one would be there – watching and waiting.

See what I mean?  While I was plagued by actual physical ailments [I thought about asking the E*M*T for a GLUC0SE TABLET], my brain was working so HARD to keep me distracted that I don’t remember one song from my iPh0ne playlist.

I was so very thankful for those half mile prompts in my ears letting me know that I was on track with my training runs.  I needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other and move into the stad1um.  [With all that was going on internally I wasn’t able to focus on form or think about my heel kick, my body was on auto-p1lot.]

The stad1um wasn’t bad – most folks were just milling around doing their own thing.  I focused on just getting around the track and trying to pick up the pace.  This wasn’t a rac3 where we had a timing chip – there was a time clock at the finish line.

I don’t wear distance glasses when I run – just sunglasses.  I wasn’t able to see the finish line clock until I ran past it on my ‘V1ctory Lap’. 

It said: 40:36.

Then my goal shifted from making it to the stad1um, to trying to beat my last clock time of 44:56.

44:15 when I ran under the time clock.

I’d finished.  I’d talked myself THOUGH a tough run.

While I’m happy that I was able to complete – I still can’t get past the feeling of knowing I was last. 

I wasn’t actually the last person across the finish line in the stadium – I passed several folks – I don’t know if they were walkers or runners.  But I do know – all the runners I was closest to on the course were at least a 1/2 track lap ahead of me. 

I did pass one runner on the course.  An elderly gentleman with a brace on each knee.  He passed me not long after that and I never was able to get close to him again.

What I need to remain focused on is MY race… this race benefitted the local H*S Cr0ss C0untry Team and most of the folks running were alumn1.  OF COURSE they’re going to be faster than me!  I’ve only been running for FOUR MONTHS!!

One of my acquaintances is a runner [I didn’t know he’d entered the race] and he came in Second Over All.  When I spoke with him after – he told me it was the most difficult c0urse he’d ever run.  He’s been running all his life – that should say something about the difficulty of what I’ve accomplished.

Give me a little time to digest this a bit more and revel in the p0sitive aspects of what I am able to take away from MY RACE…